so, mr. Bruce, I assume you are waiting to know if I will invest.
well, I'd like to know if I'm going to finish this film, yes.
I have looked into film finance and I believe the correct terminology is
first recoupment plus 10% of the adjusted gross.
Whew.
Well, you drive a hard bargain...
I'm not here to bargain with you, mr. Bruce.
These are my conditions.
So, you'll invest?
I will not be rushed.
I will enjoy my lunch, listen to you all sucking up to me some more,
and give you my decision in the morning.
A very enjoyable meal.
You'll have my final answer by the morning.
I've never wanted to take someone's money quite as badly as this.
An objectionable man.
Smile sweetly, boys.
it's all too perfect.
what was that?
I was saying it's all too perfect.
That is what is bothering me, ha?
I strive for perfection, you see, but nothing is ever perfect, apart from
this fantastic situation i have miraculously found myself in.
I don't get ya.
I admit you've done very well.
It's hard to pull off a thing like this.
You're all con artists.
Eh?
thank you for doing this, albert.
It really means a lot.
Listen, a good concierge is hard to find.
Well, it's a different world these days.
Computers, key cards.
I know.
Is everybody else getting younger, or are we just getting older?
You ever thought of retiring?
Oh, heavens no.
Old grifters don't retire.
They just simply fade away,
and try to con their way into the pearly gates.
We had some times, though, didn't we?
Yes, we did. We did indeed.
So what are you going to do with yourself, harold?
My wife and I were talking of moving to benidorm.
Marvelous!
We put a few pounds aside, mostly from you.
Ah.
That and our pension should see us in good stead.
Well, if you're ever sitting a pub someday
and a likely looking mark walks in,
you've got my number, right?
That's a promise.
You know, albert,
there's one man i wish we'd really got to.
Oh?
I have two sisters. They work for him.
Pardon my language, he's a bastard.
Kulvinder samar.
So why didn't harold ever put him in a frame, then?
Well, he's based in bradford, but he travels through london once a month.
He stays in one of those service departments that harold took care of.
He's going to be there for two weeks this trip.
What does he do, albie?
Well, he runs a network of small factories making counterfeit designer clothes.
Look!
Are these bloody coffee stains?
No drinking! You are here to bloody well work! Do you hear me?
Otherwise known as sweatshops.
I've seen some of those places.
I'll tell ya, you wouldn't keep your dog in 'em.
Harold had two of his sisters working there.
so where's he from, then, this samar?
He was lured to the u.K. In the '80's,
where thatcher's britain made it a perfect climate for him to set up his factories.
How rich?
Very.
Well, that's a start, ain't it?
Okay, how do we get to him?
Before he came to the u.K., He tried to become a bollywood actor.
His father put a stop to this, and samar took over the family business.
But his acting days filled him with a passion for bollywood films,
so harold says he spends every weekend sitting in cinemas.
The angel scam.
Uh, not very funny there, kids.
Last time we did the movie investor con, I got shot.
Well, don't worry, danny.
If anybody's gonna pull the trigger this time, it'll be one of us.
great, so we'll just keep it in the family, yeah?
Are you sure the bollywood thing is the way in, albert?
I'd say so, yes.
Question.
Anybody notice that none of us are asian?
he's got a point.
I mean, do we know anything about bollywood films?
Well, not yet, but we will.
A word of warning, samar is a perfectionist.
So if we do this, it has to be perfect.
Well, perfect is exactly how I like things.
Sorry, excuse me, sorry.
Excuse me, I found this in the foyer. I thought it might be yours.
Oh, my goodness.
Thank you very much indeed.
Did you see this picture?
Yes, it's an extraordinary movie.
This guy's a bit of a control freak, so I need the profit breakdowns
on the last half dozen bollywood hits.
Names of actors, directors, everything.
And I want it all when albert brings this guy in.
How's this video going?
Yeah, I'm just re-grading it to look like film.
It's a wedding video i got off me mate, rocky.
You won't have more than four or five minutes' worth, though.
Should be enough.
bored, danny?
Not much research needed to be a chauffeur, is there?
Maybe you should take up a hobby.
Like what?
Knitting.
gardening!
Gardening?
Yes.
danny, we don't have a garden.
no, but listen up.
My old nan, she had a little flat.
She used to have loads of potted plants.
When we were little, we used to help her.
And what would you grow in these pots?
Herbs.
don't laugh.
Herbs?
Okay...
flowers, then.
Listen, you won't be laughing, mate, when you've got the sweet smell
of begonias and whatever wafting through the place.
Begonias and whatever.
Yeah, he really knows his stuff, doesn't he?
All the technical terms.
Oh, leave him alone. I think it will be lovely.
You don't have to patronize me, stace.
All right, maybe a little bit of patronizing...
what about the script?
Yeah, okay, it was a lot of love stories,
boy meets girl, uh, class differences, family disapproves.
Basically, "romeo and juliet" set in india.
yeah, more or less.
Yeah, I've taken a script about ten years old,
changed the character names, locations and stuff.
I stick in a few new scenes and bingo, yeah?
I saw one of them films once.
Yeah, I used to go out with an indian bird.
Hah, crackin' bird.
Did this amazing thing with her--
we have a mark.
what's the matter with you, girl?
Don't you understand plain english?
Then listen.
I want the slipper delivered here.
Well, perhaps I should contact your manager.
Let him know how incompetent his staff are.
make sure that you do.
samar thinks I'm harry kaplan, a movie investor who's been offered a script.
But I'm nervous because it's a bollywood movie,
so he's agreed to look at the script for me.
I told him the movie is in mid-production and struggling for cash.
When he's read the script, he wants to meet the producer.
Hello.
Gerard bruce, bruce lightman productions.
We have a room booked to screen some rushes.
No, you're not down here.
I must be.
I've only booked it for a few minutes.
Maybe it's, uh, under the name of the film.
"Ocean's 13".
"Ocean's 13"?
Yeah, you've not heard of it?
No.
Okay, well, um, the brad pitt character.
Rusty ryan.
Oh, are you a fan?
Oh, god, yeah!
Okay, well, rusty ryan goes it alone.
The whole film is just brad.
Fan-bloody-tastic.
Look, I know there must have been some sort of mix-up,
but I've got a couple of producers arriving in a few minutes,
and if you could let us use a room, I'd be very grateful.
I-I could... call brad.
Maybe you'd like to speak to him.
Room two.
Okay.
Can I use this phone?
Yeah.
oh, god.
Speak.
Hi, brad, it's gerard.
Brad?
Yeah. What's the weather like over there?
Mickey, I know it's you. Get to the point, son, all right?
I'm trying to pot me plants, all right?
No, no. brad.
Oh, I get it, right.
I gotta be brad, yeah?
Just like that game where you put a sticker on me head
and I have to guess who I am? Is that it?
Yeah, that's right, that's right.
Listen, I've got a huge fan of yours here.
Yeah, she absolutely loved you in "ocean's 11."
Brad. "Ocean's 11."
Brad pitt maybe?
Yeah, I know.
Am I brad pitt maybe?
That's right.
Yeah, so, look, as a favor to me, would you mind, uh, having a chat?
No.
Yeah.
No, mick, don't put her on! Mickey, don't! I can't do brad pitt!
He sounds like donald duck.
"Hi, how ya doin'?"
Hello?
Hi.
How ya doin'?
I'm fine.
Whoa.
What's your name, baby?
Alice.
Do you know my mother's name is, um--
it's jane pitt, yeah.
That's right!
Jane, but she had a dog called alice.
Really?
I'm so happy to talk to you.
I've got so many questions to ask.
You-you have a lot of questions to ask me?
yeah.
brad pitt.
Baby, you can ask me anything you want.
Well, I don't know. Maybe it's because i haven't met the right man yet.
Gerard bruce, please.
Room two.
I'm talking to brad pitt!
No!
Brad, talk you like!
Brad! I'm wearing pink ones.
Okay, put the lights on.
Gerard, I'd like to introduce you to mr. Kulvinder samar.
Gerard bruce.
So, harry, do we have a deal?
Well, as I tried to explain to you on the phone,
bollywood is not exactly my area.
But I've asked mr. Samar to help advise me because he's something of an expert.
There is very little i don't know about bollywood,
mr. Bruce, so i hope you're not wasting my friend's time.
I never waste anyone's time, mr. Samar.
My films make money.
And yet you have lost one of your investors.
Yeah, well, I mentioned that one of the backers had dropped out mid-shoot.
It happens.
Harry, I really need you to come through for me on this one.
Otherwise, I'm gonna have to slash the budget,
cut scenes from the third act and lose two dance routines.
Oh, no, no.
A film is a thing of beauty, a story.
You can't chop it up like it's a piece of chicken.
An indian film is almost spiritual.
It must have a beginning, a middle, and an end all as strong as each other.
It must be perfect.
Yes, but perfect costs money.
Mr. Samar tells me unless you have established stars,
bollywood films very rarely make money.
We are aiming this film at the western market.
No one will have any idea who these stars are.
So, mr. Bruce, who would you say is the bhatcha of bollywood?
Well, for me that would have to be shahrukh khan.
And female?
I must confess a weakness for aishwarya rai.
Ah, I see we have very similar tastes.
But this movie that you are shooting is based in london with a western cast?
Well, mostly, yes, but I-I think the key is to mix cultures.
I liked the script.
You liked the script?
I-is there anything you haven't told him?
Well, as I said, it's not my area.
Okay, okay, look, the deal with the other investor
included a clause which stipulated that his daughter
got a part in the film.
Now, I could give you that.
I don't have a daughter.
Well, I'm sure there are lots of willing young starlets out there.
Harry, it might get you laid.
Well, I don't think my wife would approve of me getting laid.
This part you have offered, has it been written?
No, not yet.
So it could be changed?
I guess so, why?
I was an actor.
And?
And I'm a very wealthy man, mr. Bruce.
If mr. Kaplan decided not to invest, perhaps I could consider it.
Are you serious?
Films are a great passion of mine.
Clearly, this is more in your area than it is in mine,
and I'd be happy to have you take it from here, if you want.
I would appreciate your advice.
Your experience in these matters is far greater than mine.
Oh...
how much do you need?
Well, we are 200,000 light on a 1.6 million budget.
I'm very particular about the way I do business, mr. Bruce.
I would need to visit your set, meet your star,
and look at your accounts.
No problem.
And I shall be in your film.
You see, mr. Bruce, the art of doing the perfect
business deal is to find a man with limited options.
Have your accounts sent to me.
ash, find me a film set.
Let's take this man's money.
That's it, you stay here, where it's nice and warm, all right?
Daddy will come and feed you, yes he will.
And you can grow nice and big and flowery.
Yeah? We can show those little piss-takers
that daddy is not a complete idiot.
Are you talking to yourself, danny?
No.
Just talking to my seedlings.
Well, if it's good enough for prince charles, I suppose...
exactly.
You know, this is a whole new side of you i haven't seen before.
I quite like it.
What, uh, enough to get your kit off?
Oh, you just can't help yourself, can you?
Ignore her. She's got issues.
he went for us giving him a part in the film,
just like albert said he would.
So, we're on.
Okay, so I've doctored the production accounts and schedules.
Should do the trick.
Great, great.
So, what's he like?
Well, he's got this air about him that everyone else is beneath him.
hmm, huh! Unbelievable.
Go on, surprise us.
Thousands.
You can even make your own, and you can name it yourself.
"Danny blue rose."
I preferred it when he was bored.
Wisteria can take up to seven years to flower!
Really?
It's actually a member of the pea family.
Danny, danny, we're in the middle of a con.
Could you please focus?
yeah. So, what's next, mick?
Well, if he buys these accounts, he'll want to see a film set. Any joy?
Yeah, uh, rocky and the lads have just finished a spanish prisoner scam.
Um, they know some guys in the market.
The trouble is I haven't got a camera or equipment.
I have faith in you.
Danny seems to have a lot of time on his hands, he can get the limo.
what?
Limousine, danny. We have to do this properly.
Hey, lads.
Uh, didn't anyone tell you we were brought over lunch today?
Since when?
Since half hour ago. The caterer is down the block.
Now, I'll reckon you'll be lucky if there is anything left by now.
Typical, always the last to know.
Cheers, mate.
All right, better get a move on. We're only taking an hour, yeah?
Samar, good morning.
Everything is ready?
Yes, yes.
The cast and crew are expecting you, so shall we?
all right, lads, set up over there, quick as you can.
Right, everyone know what they're doing, rock?
Yeah, yeah, I think so.
So who's the mark?
Well, he's a guy called kulvinder samar.
Oh, sort of snide git?
Yeah, you know him?
I know people who work for him.
Two quid an hour and abuse on top.
Yeah, we'll give him some back today.
Oh, listen, before i forget, have you got me sister's wedding dvd?
She's doing a nut.
Oh, yeah, mate,
it's in the car.
Okay, so I've got half a dozen grifters moving around, the rest are civilians.
But they're sweet.
They think it's a real film shoot.
Top man.
Here comes your leading man.
yeah, he good?
He's the only actor I could find.
But he's got a star, so don't anyone talk to him.
He's got a what?
okay, people, let's go again,
I want energy this time, come on!
J.P., J.P., J.P.
One-one moment please.
Sorry, uh, kulvinder samar, this is our director, J.P.
Hi, nice to meet you.
We're, uh, we're just setting up for the opening sequence.
This looks like a real indian market.
Yeah, well, that's, uh, that's the general idea.
Yeah, it's all very colorful.
Oh, J.P. Is a perfectionist.
Can you mess those cloth boards up a bit?
It's supposed to be a genuine indian market. Thank you.
Of course, for a true bollywood movie you would need an elephant.
Here's our star, colette silver.
While she's getting ready, let me tell you about the setup.
This is the scene where they first meet.
They spot each over a stall.
He hides, so he can watch her.
He's a street urchin, she's a princess, so strictly out of bounds.
But he's consumed with love.
As she passes, he takes his chance.
Okay, first positions please. Let's do it again.
so, mr. Samar, kulvinder.
Um, have you seen enough?
It would look better with an elephant.
I'll, uh, I'll talk to J.P.
Good.
So we'll discuss it over lunch.
Bring the woman.
Drop us off at the restaurant.
hey, find me an elephant.
Elephant?
Problem?
No.
Do you want african or, uh, indian?
Indian. I know that.
All right, lads, how was lunch?
Oh, it was awful, mate.
Yeah?
So I didn't miss it.
It's african, ain't it?
I thought it was the indian.
No, it's definitely african because I remember
from watching "tarzan" when I was little.
So I want an elephant with little ears.
What's going on?
Mickey wants an elephant.
Yeah?
Well, it might pull on the lead a bit when you take it for a walk.
Get us a beer, ed, would ya?
Couldn't help us out, could ya?
Uh, no, you're right, I couldn'T.
Come on, ash, you're the fixer.
No, mickey asked you, mate.
All right, well, do us a favor.
Give us a clue... where do I start?
Transport.
Yeah?
Yeah, well, if you do find one, you'd have to find a way of moving it, wouldn't ya?
Where in the bleeding hell am I gonna find an elephant in london?
The zoo.
Funny enough, eddie. I don't figure they hire them out.
There's a circus on the heath.
Circus.
Please tell me he's not really gonna nick an elephant.
Can I get you anything?
Yes, you can get me the "sir" you dropped from that sentence.
sorry. Can I get you anything, sir?
a bottle of pinot noir. Chilled, no more than 61 degrees.
Sir.
So, samar, how long are you in london for?
Three or four days.
On business?
Yes.
You want me to share the details of my business with you?
I'm just making conversation.
I work hard in the world of commerce, mr. Bruce,
which allows me to indulge in my love of beautiful things.
Indian cinema is one of those things,
and that is all you need to concern yourself with.
So, miss silver, where did you train?
I studied at the film and television institute in pune.
Impressive.
Gerard tells me that you're investing in our film.
Did he?
That was very presumptuous of him.
I said that it was a possibility.
You know, I was an actor once.
Really?
in my youth.
Why did you stop?
My father... was a businessman.
I felt I should follow in his footsteps.
That's a pity.
Maybe we could've worked together.
samar may be in our film. The princess' uncle.
Oh, I didn't know I had one.
Well, the writers are working on it right now,
but, see, your character is an orphan and she has to go back to her
hometown to ask her uncle for permission to marry.
Which, of course, he does not to give.
Until the young boy proves himself.
So there are many lines?
Oh, yes.
So, mr. Bruce, I assume you are waiting to know if I will invest.
Well, I'd like to know if I'm going to finish this film, yes.
I have looked into film finance and I believe the
correct terminology is first recoupment plus 10% of the adjusted gross.
Whew.
Well, you drive a hard bargain...
I'm not here to bargain with you, mr. Bruce. These are my conditions.
So, you'll invest?
I will not be rushed.
I will enjoy my lunch, listen to you all sucking up to me some more,
and give you my decision in the morning.
A very enjoyable meal.
You'll have my final answer by the morning.
I've never wanted to take someone's money quite as badly as this.
What an objectionable man.
Smile sweetly, boys.
Excuse me...
wallet?
J.P. Is a perfectionist.
Go mess those cloth boards up a bit.
It's supposed to be a genuine indian market. Thank you.
here's our star, colette silver.
I studied at the film and television institute in pune.
Okay, put the lights on.
I believe the correct terminology
is first recoupment plus 10% of the adjusted gross.
You drive a hard bargain, but...
it's all too perfect.
What was that?
I was saying it's all too perfect.
That is what is bothering me, ha?
I strive for perfection, you see, but nothing is ever perfect, apart from
this fantastic situation i have miraculously found myself in.
I don't get ya.
I admit you've done very well.
It's hard to pull off a thing like this.
You're all con artists.
Eh?
I'm not a hero, I'm not a working class hero,
I'm just a regular guy.
Anybody would have dived through that window screen.
And at that point my life was going, but I found the strength,
an inner strength, to save the old lady.
And the kittens.
Ooh, my family are here.
I'll have that bed bath later, kimberly.
Thanks for listening, darling.
Bye.
hello...
son.
Wasn't my fault.
Danny, you drove into a stationary vehicle.
Yeah, that bit was my fault.
It wasn't my fault that samar has worked out we're con artists.
albert?
Yes?
Samar is on to us.
No, everything's fine.
He may go to theolice.
He won't, he's got amnesia.
What?
I'm not a hero, I'm not a working class hero, I'm just a regular guy.
I'll get the doctor, mr. Samar.
Mr. Samar, you're sitting up.
Doctor?
Yes, yes.
Oh, doctor, uh...
are you a relative?
No, no, no, I'm a, uh...
I'm sorry, excuse me, sorry.
A doctor with mr. Samar's private medical insurers.
Gold service.
Could I have a word with you?
What exactly is the problem?
Retrograde, or short-term amnesia.
yeah, go on.
Well, it's short- term memory loss.
I mean, he has no recollection
of new information he learned before the accident.
how close to the accident?
Well, the doctor said a couple of weeks.
brilliant.
So he almost had us, only he can't remember it.
Yeah, it appears so.
Although this is temporary amnesia.
I mean, his memory could come back at any moment.
so that's it, then.
You know...
I hate to lose this one, michael.
yeah, me too.
you know, let's face it, it's over, so let's cut and run.
Yeah, well, he deserves to be conned.
Albert's right--
accident or not, samar's a nasty piece of work.
So you don't like him.
No.
Well, then, you're lettin' your emotions get involved, ain't ya?
Third rule of the con--
don't get involved personally.
no, no, no, that's the fourth rule.
Then what's the third rule?
Do you mind... I'm thinking.
We promised harold we'd do it.
No.
Wait.
No one's ever done this.
Oh, no, come on, steady, mate.
Done what?
Played the same con twice on the same mark.
Yeah, for a very good reason.
But think of it!
To be the first to play a double con--
same pitch, same mark.
It's brilliant.
Well, it's genius if we can pull it off.
well, if we can't do it, nobody can.
if we do this, we have to condense it, right?
Like I said, if he gets his memory back, we're knackered.
So we cut corners.
what we really have to do is figure out how he guessed.
I mean, what did we do wrong?
Ah, he did say something before the crash.
Would you like to share it with the group?
He said, "everything is too perfect."
Too perfect.
Well, you know, michael, you might take it as a compliment.
well, that's it.
We pulled out all the stops on this one.
That's what made him suspicious.
Yeah, yeah, we made that whole thing too good to be true.
A man who strives for perfection
is the one person who should know it doesn't exist.
So we do the con again, but make things less perfect.
Yes.
Well, believe me, this will be the first
and last time i say this sentence.
Let's all do our jobs.
This time, try not to be so... perfect.
Am I going home?
Yes.
You may recover some memory if you're in familiar surroundings.
You're the doctor.
Yes, I am.
That'll do nicely.
anything?
This is definitely my room. I like beautiful things.
Well, it's a start.
I couldn't tell you what's in any of the cupboards.
Well, it's good, though.
It is?
Yes, now you know you appreciate beauty.
That means your long-term memory is still intact.
It's just your short-term that's been damaged.
What does that mean?
Well, your short-term's what you've learned most recently.
It hasn't been ingrained on your mind yet.
That makes sense.
I can remember arriving here... and factories.
I had to visit the factory.
I was on a buying trip.
Well, we can do things to trigger your memory,
make it come back more quickly.
Ah, your desk there--
see if there's anything familiar there.
I know her.
Gerard bruce.
I don't recognize it.
Bruce... seems familiar.
I think he's a film producer, very successful.
Perhaps you were working with him.
Do you have any interest in films?
Yes, I love films.
Well, let's give him a call and see if we can fill in the gaps.
You know, I think i must have made a mistake with my life.
I'm sorry, i don't understand.
In the hospital...
everyone had visitors,
loved ones who were worried about them.
Yet no one was there for me.
Why was that?
Maybe we should call this gerard bruce.
Go and meet him, he might be a friend.
I think that's a very good idea.
what time is it in malibu now?
Malibu... it's eight hours earlier.
Oh, he probably hasn't got up yet.
room two.
hello.
Hey, alice.
Oh, brad.
Tell me where you are.
Oh, I'm just having a little coffee now, you know?
Looking out over the ocean,
waves are crashing against the rocks.
And, god, the sun is so golden today.
Ah, that sounds beautiful.
Ah, it's really beautiful, baby.
I wish I could be there with you.
So what are you wearing?
well, uh, not very much.
You still got that little pink number?
at my house.
Ah, baby, you got anything in black?
Okay, put the lights on.
Samar, how are you?
Gerard?
Yeah, yeah, I heard about the accident, mate.
Um, have a seat, go on, have a seat, take a weight off.
Stop it there, please.
So, uh, how you feeling?
A little strange, um, I'm sorry, I--
you don't remember me.
No, not really, it's the accident.
Think nothing of it.
You must be samar's doctor, we spoke on the phone.
Yes, yes, can I ask--
how recently did you two meet?
Well, it was only a few days ago.
We had lunch yesterday, remember?
No, it's my short-term memory.
I'm having trouble remembering the last few days.
Okay, then let me get you up to speed with where we were.
Uh, you had offered yourself as an investor in our film.
It was only a small amount but the yield should be relatively high.
I love films.
Yeah, we'd written you a part.
I was an actor.
Yeah, you loved the script and you agreed to invest.
I did?
200,000 pounds.
I-I have that kind of money.
Now here's the scary part.
Now, we're in a bit of a rush, so we need the cash.
I see.
Can I ask you something, mr. Bruce?
Yeah, of course.
Are we friends?
Sorry?
You and I, are we friends?
We only met a few days ago
so, um, yeah, I'd like to think we're friends, yeah.
But only because i have money?
No, no, no.
It doesn't matter.
I have agreed to invest, I will get you your money.
Fantastic.
And I will be in your film.
Absolutely.
Can I see the set?
So I need cameras in the limo again?
No, keep it simple, remember last time.
Yeah, I've downgraded the web site.
Good.
So this is really going to work?
well, he's already agreed to invest.
We just keep him on line until we get the money.
It's strange, though.
Samar seems, I don't know, different.
how so?
Well, less obnoxious.
Hmm, I've found that.
If samar gets his memory back before we do this, we're in serious trouble.
hi, I thought you might like some company on your visit to the set.
Yes, please come in.
I love movies, too.
You know, last night, doctor, I had a dream about you.
Did you?
Yes.
But in the dream you were not a real doctor.
Really?
Really.
You see, everything was a film set
and you were just an actor.
Like dr. Kildare.
Well, the mind can do this,
mixes everything up and tries to make sense of it.
I suppose so. But it was so real.
The mind is a powerful thing.
Come.
Hey.
Samar.
A good day to make movies.
I hope so.
you don't mind if I join you?
no, no, of course not, course not.
I thought we'd grab lunch before we head to the film set.
Do I know you?
I picked you up a few days ago, mr. Samar.
Don't you remember?
No, sorry.
please.
Well done, danny.
Third.
Please tell me that is not the lord mayor's flag on the top.
Mickey, I mean, what do you take me for?
Stop.
Pull in, pull in.
This is my factory.
What do we do?
Wait here.
samar?
All right, lads, same again.
We've got about an hour.
This is a nice place.
It's basic, but I've got a budget to think of.
So, mr. Bruce, tell me more about your film.
Well, it's basically a typical bollywood love story.
You know, um, shot in london and with a western cast.
Interesting.
Uh, in fact, I've asked our star, colette silver, to join us here for lunch.
The photograph.
sorry?
She signed a photograph for me.
She's very beautiful.
Oh, yeah, she is.
What can I get you, gents?
well, what do you got?
Uh, pies... we got pork, steak and kidney, and eel.
All with mash and peas.
Could you give us another minute please, waiter?
are you all right, kulvinder?
Yes, oh, I'm sorry.
Bits of this are coming back to me.
It's so hard to focus.
This film.
Do you have an elephant?
No, no, my budget wouldn't allow it.
Pity, you should reconsider.
Well, the decision's already been made, sorry.
oh, yes, here's colette now.
Colette, you remember kulvinder.
Of course I do, I heard about your accident.
please, please, sit.
And this is doctor...
uh, monroe.
Uh, just in case it affects your choice, I've just had
a word with the chef and, uh, eel's off.
phone.
In the film you have an uncle.
Yes.
You need his permission to marry.
That's right.
That must be from my short-term memory, doctor.
Ah, yes, yes.
Then it must be coming back.
what?
Eddie, eddie, calm down.
All you need to do is pop over to the flat, yeah,
just give them a little bit of water, not too much.
All right?
Okay, and, uh, you have to talk to them.
talk to them,
have you gone mad?
Eddie, eddie, listen, just, I don't know,
just tell them one of your scouse stories.
They go on a bit, don't they?
So, mr. Bruce.
Hmm?
How many songs?
11.
Ah, the songs are my favorite part.
I often fast forward the dialogue bits.
Give me a brightly-colored dance scene any day, huh?
I was an actor once.
really?
No more.
Oh, that's a pity.
You know, something strange has happened.
What's that?
Since the accident, everyone seems so familiar.
It's a feeling I haven't known very much in my life.
A feeling of...
being amongst friends.
So where did you study to become an actress?
Oh, I-I went to a very small school.
I doubt you would have heard of it.
Acting was my dream.
My father thought i was wasting my life.
Let's just say that he beat some sense into me.
But you--
you must follow your dream.
Don't let anyone take that away from you.
I won'T.
Because I have little recoection of recent events
it has forced me to look back over my life,
and last night I saw my whole life stretching back to the point at which I was
forced to leave my dream and join my father's business.
I fear that bitterness has made me not a very nice man.
Oh, I'm sure that's not true.
Oh, but it is.
The factory we visited, those people?
They had such hate in their eyes.
Still, with friends around him, a man can change, huh?
So, come, let us visit your set, and I will arrange
for the money to finish your film.
Something about this does not feel right.
No, do you think he's playing with us?
I don't know.
Well, this is a hell of a time to find out.
J.P.
Hi.
Listen, you want to stand by, we're all ready.
Okay, I'll just go over my lines.
Okay.
J.P.
Yeah.
Samar, I don't suppose you remember our director, J.P.?
Uh, sorry, no.
Oh, don't worry.
At least you've got an excuse.
I can never remember anyone's name and I've not even been in an accident.
and this is dr. Monroe.
How do you do?
Hi, how are you?
It appears that you might have been here before.
Do you remember anything?
Uh, it's hard to say,
it all seems familiar, but, uh, I've been to a lot of markets.
Where's your camera?
it's on the roof, we're
getting the long shots first before the main crew arrive tomorrow.
Right, number ones, everybody, please!
Okay, everyone, let's wrap this one up!
and action!
Oh
She was an angel
and her beauty
was from a different world.
Today we are going to strike
a fantastic deal.
And I will perform
with this beautiful star.
My friend the doctor is also here.
D'you know what...
...this dance is really nice.
You're right my friend
but we still have to get his money.
I saw her at the fair
and my heart started beating...
...going boom boody boom.
Look at his face
he seems very happy.
The man's changed!
I was horrible man
now I have changed.
What's happening?
My dreams were destroyed,
so I crushed other people's dreams.
Looks like he's found God.
I will never make anyone sad again.
I will pay proper wages.
I think he's changed, he's no con!
I wish we had an elephant.
I remember, they wanted to con me.
Sssh...don't tell them!
what's he saying?
Didn't hear a word.
I will give my wealth away to charity.
He's going to give
his wealth away to charity.
Oh shit!
Charity.
I don't believe it.
He was a perfect mark.
well, the old samar one was the perfect mark,
but this is a very different person.
So what do we do now?
well, however we got him, we're about to break our code and con a good man.
Well, harold is a good man too.
I'm sure he'd rather have us shame samar and lose a few pounds.
It's not even a fair fight anymore.
yes, what's next then, mugging old ladies?
We can't do this.
I agree.
You are joking?
No, danny, I'm not joking.
I mean, look at him.
He's sick.
You're giving up 200 grand and he's sick?
We walk away.
Cut!
come, let's all go and celebrate this wonderful film.
You too, my friend!
Oh, I'll-I'll just get this and join you upstairs later. All right?
Yeah? Bruce, yeah.
Well, when?
Everyone...
is everything all right?
No, I've got something to tell you.
And I have something to tell you.
Oh?
Just something i remembered.
But, please, you go first.
Uh, well it seems there's been a fire
at the processing lab and all our film's gone up in smoke.
Tell me you're joking.
well, we can reshoot everything, can't we?
no, by the time the insurance comes through
and we've got a new crew, and we find new locations...
yeah, it'll take two years, minimum.
I think we should just cut our losses.
Good thing you didn't invest, eh?
Yes, indeed.
So what were you going to tell me?
Oh...
it doesn't matter.
So what'll you do?
First I will take care of the people i have mistreated here.
Then I will sell my business and go back to india,
to acting school.
Follow my dream.
Good for you.
Bye...
bollywood princess.
You like plants?
Yeah... yeah, yeah, just in a small way.
Then you must take it with you.
Nah, I can'T.
Please, I can't take it with me.
It's an orchid, it's very rare.
A thing of great beauty,
it's called a lady slipper.
You see how the petals are completely symmetrical?
Perfect.
I waited a long time to own one of those,
but it doesn't seem so important now.
Please, take it.
Thank you.
I suggest you make it an early night.
Doctor's orders?
You know, I'm glad we didn't double con him, nice bloke.
Well, you've changed your tune.
Listen, if he can turn over a new leaf, so can I.
Bump on the head must have had more impact than we thought.
So all's well that ends well.
Except we're out of pocket.
Then you better find us a new mark.
Mmm.
Let's have another drink.
There you are.
I'm gonna get off home.
Get this little baby to bed.
Introduce her to the others.
Okay, so now you're officially freaking me out.
Go on, stay and have another.
No, all right, son, bit knackered.
See you later.
Hey, danny, you forgot your... magazine.
Am I hearing things or did danny blue just leave
a bar early to go check his plant room?
look, a picture of danny's orchid, the lady slipper.
ahhh.
I'm surprised he doesn't cut it out, stick it by his bed.
Ah, it won't last, this is danny we're talking about, remember?
The perfect orchid.
One was sold at christie's last week.
For 30,000.
oi, taxi!
Oh, you plonker.
danny.
we saw the magazine, danny.
It's mine, he gave it to me, didn't he?
30 grand, you dodgy git!
Well, you ain't taking the piss about me gardening now, are you?
danny!
no!
Mayfair, please.
danny!
no, you had your chance!
this is very silly, danny...